


Affect and Adventure

by ElentariR



Series: Getting Back to Myself [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Broken Bones, Bucky Barnes Recovering, F/M, Noelle - Freeform, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Protective Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-07-15 03:49:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7206293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElentariR/pseuds/ElentariR
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emotions were complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Affect and Adventure

**Author's Note:**

> So...I gave myself major feels while writing this.

He wasn’t avoiding Noelle. But if he _was_ avoiding her, it wasn’t because he was scared. It would be because he wanted to act with the upmost prudence. Noelle had texted him – which was such a strange technological advance, like a mobile telegraph – and inquired after him. She even reiterated her invitation for him to join them Wednesday evening for dinner. Bucky hadn’t responded. There was nothing to say.

His nightmares grew worse and then sleeping ceased altogether. He called in sick for two days in a row. Finally, there was a knock on his door. Drawing his gun, he ghosted to the door. Leaning sideways to look out the peep-hole. Noelle. He hid his gun.

“James, it’s me. Noelle.” She was soft, but insistent. Bucky’s hand hovered over the door knob. A war waged inside of him.

“Is he home, Mom?” Steven was with her.

“I don’t know, sweetie.”

Bucky closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

Noelle’s eyes were guarded, but Steven greeted him enthusiastically. Bucky didn’t think Steven had any other way of living. It was as refreshing as it was draining. “Good morning, James.” He winced internally. He had never witnessed an upset Noelle, but he wagered he was getting a glimpse.

“Hey, you two.” Bucky responded with as much positive feeling as he could. His voice was strained even to his own ears. He moved to the side, hyperaware of the dismal state of his apartment. Cleaning hadn’t been his priority for the last few days. Steven stepped right in without hesitation, but Noelle moved more slowly. Deliberately. Her eyes never left Bucky as if assessing him. But what she was assessing Bucky couldn’t guess.

“Where’s all your stuff?” Steven asked. He looked up at Bucky, confused, then at his mother. Bucky shifted, embarrassed.

“We wanted to make sure you were alright.” Noelle said. Her voice was low and calm – restrained.

“Yeah, we thought you were sick or something.” Steven added. “I wanted to bring you chicken noodle soup, but Mom said you weren’t that kind of sick. She said you were sick like Daddy was.” Bucky’s eyes immediately snapped to Noelle, who stared resolutely at the wall over his shoulder. “So I brought you this.” Steven bounced over to Bucky and handed him a wrapped lump. Judging by the state of the red glossy paper, Steven had wrapped it himself. The boy looked at him expectantly. Bucky caved to the wide blue eyes.

Bucky slowly tore the paper away. It was a brown stuffed bear, clearly loved, and wearing a Captain America uniform, complete with helmet and stuffed cloth shield. “That’s Captain America. Daddy gave him to me to keep me safe, but I think you should have him.” Steven turned his eyes up to his mother. “Mr. James needs someone to keep him safe, too, doesn’t he, Mommy?”

Noelle smiled – it was sad and faint, but it was genuine – and touched her son’s shoulder. She made eye contact with Bucky before her gaze dropped to the bear he held. He saw her swallow a lump.

Staring down at the bear, Bucky didn’t know what to say. Noelle hadn’t shared much about her late husband, but Bucky knew that Robert had meant the world to her. They’d been high school sweethearts that had married right out of high school, just before he had enlisted in the Marines. They had endured two deployments only for his life to be cut short two years ago.

“Are you gonna come watch another movie with us?” Steven looked over his shoulder and asked as Noelle began to usher him to the door. Noelle looked up as if she was also waiting on the answer.

Bucky cleared his throat. He didn’t know what to say. Somehow drawing comfort from the plush brown bear, he nodded. “I hope so.” Steven grinned and made an excited exclamation. There was an inscrutable expression on Noelle’s face, as if she couldn’t decide if she was pleased or saddened. Perhaps worried was nearer the mark.

“Come on, sweetie. We’re gonna be late to school.” Noelle murmured.

“Noelle,” Bucky called before they exited. He immediately questioned his sanity. “Is that ear still open?” His heart stuttered and hammered in his chest, butterflies in his stomach. For a moment she didn’t answer. When she did, he knew her words were genuine.

“Of course.”

Bucky’s smile was small, but relieved.

Noelle glanced at the door, then the bear, and then finally back at Bucky. He wished he understood what was going through her head. “Steven and I are going to the zoo tomorrow. You’re welcome to join us.”

And so Bucky found himself riding in Noelle’s car bright and early the next morning, listening to Disney songs on their way to the zoo.

0

They were returning from a trip to the zoo, which Bucky had found utterly fascinating, though the crowds and vulnerabilities the zoo layout put him in began to greatly tax him. They were still listening to Disney songs. Noelle cut the outing shorter than they intended, spouting a claim Bucky knew was a cover. He hadn’t argued, and she had neatly handled Steven’s protests. Noelle was not a woman to cross.

Bucky helped Steven from the car when they returned to their apartment building. Noelle came up next to him as Steven was in the midst of an animated rendition of the trip to the zoo. Steven lost his balance while imitating the monkeys and fell into the door.Bucky had glanced away for a moment just as Steven stumbled, and he thought nothing was amiss until heheardNoelle’s sharp inhale and whimper of pain. Noelle was bent slightly, clutching her hand to her chest. Bucky’s heart leaped in his chest, every nerve on edge with the knowledge that his Noelle was hurt. It was clear that her hand had been been trapped between the door and car frame when Steven lost his balance.

“Are you okay, Mommy? Mommy, what happened?” Steven huddled close to Noelle. He craned his neck. “Did you hurt your hand?” His eyes widened. “Did I hurt your hand, Mommy?”

Bucky softly asked Steven to allow him closer. The child reluctantly complied. “May I see your hand, Noelle?” He was careful to keep his voice low and even. Tears had welled in Noelle’s eyes and he could see her biting the insides of her cheeks. She managed a nod.

“Mommy’s alright, sweetie.” Noelle turned her attention to her son. Fear was bright in his eyes. “Just hurt my hand in the door. Mommy’s alright.”

Bucky waited as patiently as he could to see her hand. Her son attended to, Noelle slowly moved her left hand to reveal the injured finger – her right index finger. Blood seeped out of a cut extending from the right side of the fingernail and blood was pooling under the nail. The fingertip was beginning to swell. “Noelle, you need to go to the hospital. Looks like you may have broken it.” Zola had left a bad taste in his mouth for doctors, but Bucky knew that she needed more professional medical help.

“Mommy?”

Noelle forced as genuine a smile as she could and knelt in front of him. She was careful to hide her injury from his sight. “Mommy’s finger really hurts. We’re going to go to the hospital so that it heals. I need you to be strong for me – can you do that?” Steven hesitated. Bucky could see that he was struggling to comprehend what was happening. But he nodded.

“I’m driving you.” Bucky expectantly held out his hand. Noelle didn’t fight him. The keys landed in his hand with a soft ‘clink.’ Bucky opened the rear passenger door to allow Steven to climb inside and buckle himself. He helped Noelle into the passenger seat. “Keep it elevated – above your heart.” He instructed softly. Noelle nodded and complied. She kept her eyes forward, but her knee bounced nervously. A few tears escaped her eyes. Bucky knew the pain of a broken bone. There were certainly things that hurt worse, but he wouldn’t belittle her own experience. He admired the way she managed to compose herself to protect her son.

Noelle chattered uncharacteristically as they drove to the hospital. Whether her babbles were for Steven’s benefit or her own was unclear. Bucky suspected both. For his part, Bucky couldn’t bring himself to speak. Rationally, he knew that her injury was not severe and that she would certainly be alright. Irrationally, he felt his concern mounting as time went on – because what if she _wasn’t_ alright?

The wait in the ER was ridiculous. Steven was growing antsy and bored with the only toy he had, a Hot Wheels car. And Noelle’s pain was increasing as time wore on. She tried to help Bucky entertain Steven, but her controlled breath – _in through the nose, out through the mouth_ – and tapping of her foot spoke of her state. He could tell that it was difficult for her to focus on her son. So Bucky did his best to captivate Steven and allow Noelle to concentrate on her breathing. But Noelle still tried to smile and talk to her son as if nothing was amiss. Bucky had to admit he was grateful – he was completely out of his depth with Steven. The normally vibrant child was withdrawn and pensive.

Finally Noelle was called back by a kind looking nurse. Bucky and Noelle made eye contact. He glanced at Steven. She hitched a shoulder. Bucky made a split-second decision. He wouldn’t leave Noelle alone with the doctors.

“Let’s go with your ma.” Bucky held out his hand to Steven. The young boy clung tightly to Bucky’s right hand as they trailed closely behind Noelle.

The nurse took Noelle’s weight, blood pressure, and temperature before asking her a series of questions, concluding with a look at her finger. Her left hand, which had been clutching her injured finger, was smeared with blood. The nurse immediately took Noelle to an empty bay, instructing her to wait there.

“Momma’s gonna be alright.” Noelle spoke soothingly to Steven. She sat down on the hospital bed, legs dangling over the side. She smiled at her son and patted the empty spot next to her. He hopped up and curled into her side. Bucky settled in the plastic chair across from her. He pretended he didn’t notice Noelle’s concerned glance.

Upon’s Noelle’s instance, Bucky remained with Steven in the bay when the technician arrived to take Noelle to have her hand x-rayed.

“Is Mom really going to be alright, Mr. James?” Steven looked up at Bucky with wide eyes and a wobbling mouth. Bucky winced internally. He hadn’t the faintest idea of what to do. Noelle was so much better with children than he was. Imitating Noelle became the new plan.

Bucky awkwardly knelt to one knee in front of Steven. “Your momma is going to be right as rain in no time. The nurse is just gonna x-ray...”

“What’s an x-ray?” Steven interrupted with a slight tilt to his head. Bucky blinked.

“What’s an...” God help him. “It’s a...special machine. Yeah. It’s a special machine the doctor uses to look at your ma’s hand.” Steven accepted this with a nod.

“Can I see it?”

Bucky glanced around, hoping that Noelle would magically appear.

She didn’t.

“I think only doctors can use it.”

Steven sniffled and wiped away the snot with the back of his hand. He considered Bucky’s words for a moment. “Can we get Mommy ice cream, Mr. James? Mommy loves ice cream. Maybe that will help make her hand all better.” Bucky smiled, momentarily forgetting his awkwardness. Steven was a good kid.

“I think that is a great idea, Steven. Why don’t we wait until we get home, and then we can surprise her with it?”

Steven gave a satisfied nod. “Okay.”

Bucky nearly sighed with relief.

Noelle’s finger was broken, a sliver from above the joint had been torn away. After waiting several more minutes, the physicians assistant returned to dress the finger and gave parting instructions with her prescriptions. Noelle stuffed the extra bandaid, antibiotic ointment, and medical tape in her purse.

“Let’s get you two home.” Bucky said quietly, gently ushering them from the medical bay with a hand on each of their backs.

“I need to fill these prescriptions first.” Noelle protested wearily. “It shouldn’t take that long.” Bucky observed her carefully before reluctantly nodding.

Bucky ensured she received her medications and ice cream; she had nearly dissolved in tears when Steven handed her the pint of her favorite ice cream – Ben and Jerry’s Brewed to Matter, which Steven had insisted he pay for with his own money. The proud look and pleased smile on Steven’s face stopped Bucky from mentioning that ice cream cost more than twenty-five cents. Not that he wanted to burst the kid’s bubble to begin with. The kid had a heart of gold.

Bucky safely deposited the Grey’s in their apartment. He gave Noelle strict instructions to call him if she needed anything – _anything_. “I mean it, Noelle.” She nodded, gently touching his arm.

“Thank you, James.” Her voice was low, tired. “Truly. It means the world to me.”

Bucky mused over the day as he trudged up the two flights of stairs to his own apartment. The protectiveness he felt for Noelle, and even Steven, was strong – it startled him. He hadn’t meant to become attached to them, but he had. And he had felt... _something_ when she touched his arm. He didn’t know how to describe it. He didn’t know if he wanted to. But it was something.

Emotions were complicated. The bastards.

Bucky immediately chastised himself for the language – what he imagined was a remainder from his Army days combined with his near-daily company of coworkers. He found himself catching himself cursing a lot. Noelle didn’t approve of it, and she certainly didn’t want Steven exposed to it. Bucky had slipped once – and only once. The icy glare he received had been warning enough. And he respected Noelle. Good manners and propriety prohibited such language in front of a respectable woman like Noelle.

He flopped onto his mattress with a groan. He hugged his Captain America bear to his chest. How had his life gotten complicated? He didn’t want to change it – Noelle and Steven enriched his life more than he could have imagined – but it scared him. The unknown did not tend to be friendly.

Bucky propped himself up on his elbow when his phone buzzed. Noelle had texted him - ‘Hey, look, I can still text.’ It was followed by a picture Noelle had taken of her and Steven chowing down on the ice cream. Bucky smiled to himself and lay back down in bed.

Emotion hadn’t made Noelle weak. It seemed to make her stronger. Or at least more courageous. He remembered the night of her attack when she stumbled to Steven’s side – more concerned about his well-being than her own. He remembered watching her earlier that day, doing her best to hide her pain and put on a cheerful front – to protect Steven.

And he remembered Steve Rogers, laying limp while he was being pummeled by the Winter Soldier – so that _Bucky_ would remember him. Love had brought Steve Rogers to the brink of death, but it was love that brought him back. Bucky had always asked himself why – _why_ had he done it? Why had he hauled Steve Rogers out of the water? Bucky was beginning to understand.

Love.

He didn’t know why he loved Steve Rogers. But he felt the bond.

His life had gotten more complicated. But maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing after all.


End file.
